To My Dearly Beloved Fellow Human Beings:
One of the most powerful things I have experience through my trials is coming to know God better. When I feel tormented and like I cannot endure one more minute, I have reached to God for strength and guidance with all my heart. I needed desperately to be comforted and have some sort of hope. Sometimes when I reached to God in these times He has touched me and communicated with me in the most tender ways.
One time, I was praying while very distressed and discouraged. I was listening to music with words and the message was about love and I felt that God loved me so deeply and truly. The amazing part, though, was that I had this image come to my mind of God doing karaoke to the music and singing it just for me. It made me laugh. It was so silly to think of God that way and it seemed so irreverent.
I wondered about that, and if it was appropriate, and the response I got form God was that He would do what ever it took to make me laugh and to cheer me up in that moment. Also, that I was so worth it to Him and He really wanted me to be happy and know how much I meant to Him.
I learned from this that God does have a sense of humor; He is not so serious and severe as we often think. I also learned that He is willing to sacrifice for us His beloved children. In addition, that He is mindful of us and knows just how to bless us. He does not want us to suffer, but He knows that it is necessary for us to reach our full potential. He will always be there with us as we suffer; though, we may not always sense Him there. He will never leave us comfortless. We are cherished more then we can even imagine.
Now I want to share an experience I had during a ketamine treatment and what I learned from it. I hope you can find some application to your personal life.
Ketamine Journal
6/25/25
Intention: Help me to be filled with love.
I experienced being operated on. It was like something traumatic had happened and I was damaged. I was being fixed though, and this time I was fixed so well and so perfectly that it was as if it had never happened. There was no scar or any indication that anything had ever been damaged.
I had the sensation of a message being drilled into me. The message was that there is a purpose to my suffering and pain. A very specific and very important purpose and to always remember that there is a purpose—a beautiful and wise purpose. I cannot see the purpose and so I am constantly seeking to alleviate the pain. However, if I do that, the purpose will not be fulfilled. So, I asked, “what should I do then?” but I didn’t get an answer except to remember and endure as best I can.
I felt so much excitement for what is coming and how much joy and beauty and love there is going to be. I was jumping up and down with excitement. I still feel some joy.
I felt like there were a lot of ministering spirits around me and helping and nurturing me as well as all of us going through mortality. I felt like I have my family here in mortality, and my family who are on the other side with me on my team.
I learned that I don’t need to avoid the pain, but to embrace it and to embrace myself for being willing to feel the pain. I am not torturing myself. It is just what must be and what I am designed to experience.
The following is what I choose to learn from this experience. I try to always make some action goals after each ketamine treatment.
~ Remember there is an important purpose to all of my suffering.
~ Know there are ministering angels around me to help me.
~ Look forward to the joys that are to come in the next life.